Don't get all excited, ma,
but I found my old rosary
which I had thinking about recently
and feeling a little sad because
I thought it was long gone.
I wasn't actually looking for it,
but in going through my things
I found it in a small yellow box
that had once held tortillons
from the art supply store I once worked at,
There were also some buttons
I'd stolen from the fabric store I worked at
before the art supply store, and an armadillo earring
from when my ears were pierced,though I don't think
I ever wore it, and some Pokemon cards
from when I worked at the bookstore
and got cajoled into being Team Leader
for the weekly Pokemon night they hosted,
even though I didn't know a thing about
the game, my job was pretty much just to give
give stickers to the devout little kids.
In the very bottom of the box
was a single condom, a Sheik, packed away
for nearly twenty years. Anyways,
I don't mean to disappoint you, ma,
but I'm not returning to my Catholic roots or anything,
I can't even bring myself to pray,
though I thought about saying a makeshift Kaddish
for my dear departed Jasmine, but I'm not Jewish
so it seemed disrespectful. I just wanted to say
something other than Why Did This Happen
and I Miss You and I'm Sorry I Couldn't Save You.
I'd like to think she's in a better place
but I don't believe in better or worse places,
just this one, and she's no longer here
and that's hard for me to wrap my brain around.
This was why I was going through my stuff
in the first place, digging through the few items
I have left of her.
It's a cheap rosary, plastic black beads with a steel crucifix
and a plaque of Mary and her Baby connecting the loop.
One of the chains broke ages ago, though it's easily fixed
with a bit of wire once I get around to it. For now
I'm using a safety pin.
I'm glad I found this flimsy talisman
I've had forty years, though I can't remember
the last time I said a Hail Mary
and am not sure what to do with it,
not sure what I need it as a reminder of.